Life Musings

Throwing Stones

Last night Paul and I met up for the first time since he helped me move out and then I helped him move out. It seemed only fair for me to help him move into his new home, considering all the help he gave me with some of the heavy lifting of my furniture. After all the house moves were over… there wasn’t any kind of ‘plan’ to see each other ever again.

And that was concerning for both of us I think. A little empty feeling, a little niggle in the back of the mind… when will I see him again? will I ? Is there any reason or excuse I have now to contact him?

He was also having these niggles and remembered as I did; that when we were packing up his household items on 1st September and loading them into our cars, checking to make sure we had everything…. we came across 2 stones.

These pebbles had come from a day trip to Akoroa NZ we took on 1st July 2012; our 1 year anniversary together –

here is a blog post from that time 

Neither of us wanted to keep them, we can’t donate them to anything…but they weren’t exactly something we wanted to throw away either.

“Why not take them somewhere nice, like out in the peak district, and we can throw them, 1 each, into the lake?”

And so we did.

We took a walk last night down to Damflask – our default, number 1 spot for a walk. It’s beautiful there, it has winding pathways through trees and you essentially walk around a mini lake (reservoir).

We paused for a few quick pics, then stood with our stones, gave gratitude to both the stones for the memory and to each other for the 6 years we spent together.

And then we let them go.

Releasing them into the lake to roll around and go their own ways…

It was a little moment, nothing too ceremonious, but it felt good. Closing the romantic chapter of our relationship, to make way for our “happily even after” life.  Paul and I spent the rest of the Damflask walk doing exactly what we do best; being massive J’s. (see MBTI personality explanations for what ‘J’ type people are like!) We talked about our marriage, analysing how we felt, what we felt went wrong, where we could have done better and where we clearly did our best.

We marvelled at how well we were both doing and how proud we both were at each other’s abilities to deal with this breakup in the most loving and supportive way possible.

Moving forward; our intention for our relationship, our happily even after life is as follows;

“we will honour our intention to stay friends, stay friendly and always remember that it is US against the world”

Us against the world used to be our catch phrase; when we were a couple, it meant that ‘us’ – we, were the only 2 people that really mattered and everyone else was just something we’d have to fight against for us to be in love (what can I say – we met in Japan, up a mountain, and it was all very dramatic!). We even wrote this into our vows – without realising that the other had done the same.

Now though, “us against the world” serves as a reminder, that where ‘the world’ might have us believe that separated partners should be bitter or hateful towards each other, or others might try to question our motives and explain that in their world view; people don’t stay friends after a divorce …. Paul and I will make this intention to always look at the “us” part first. Asking the question: “What works for ‘us’ as friends who care about each other..?” ….good, let’s do that then, and sod everyone else’s opinions.

I very much feel that peak district walks and possibly some long mountain climbs whilst we analyse various parts of our lives and discuss our goals and hopes and dreams, will continue to be a thing that my ‘ex’ husband and I will do together. And you’ll very rarely hear me use the word ‘ex’ – like I have crossed him out of my life, It just doesn’t sit well with me.

I have no idea what I will call him in future… perhaps just “my friend Paul”.

   Love Ferret xxx

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