This week is my last full week at work in the office. In any office. For the foreseeable future, and hopefully… forever.
I am done.
I’m done sitting in chairs which are really incredibly bad for your posture. If you read this article about posture – I am guilty of most of these. I perch on the edge of my chair and allow my core to hold my back upright – I never use the back rest.
I have never found an office chair I was comfortable in, or a desk that didn’t make me feel sore and achy by the end of the day. The disease of the modern era; sitting in chairs. Dis-ease. It has never been easy for me to slouch or “relax” into a chair.
I realised recently; that I have spent 18 years in offices, trying to follow the advice of the above article, trying to force my body into a shape it was never ever designed to fit into … all the while miserable with the arrangement… but I did it… because… that’s just what you do right? You get up, you go to work, you sit at your desk and you adhere.
My body has been violently letting me know that it wasn’t happy with this arrangement for years. I have the tightest pecs and hamstrings from this posture and even my years and years of dance & yoga practice hasn’t fully sorted me out
*looking at my body* “Me n you kid; we gotta lot of work to do now”
So I am leaving. I handed in my notice… and I’m finally getting my yoga instructor qualification.
A few nights ago I stayed up to watch the Super Blue Blood moon & then the following morning I got up at 6.30am to complete day 30 of the Yoga with Adriene TRUE: 30 days of yoga.
The moon the night before was so incredible; and at about 00.30 ish the moon had clouds passing in front of it, and as they did; there appeared an incredible rainbow of colours in a perfect circle around the moon…. A Moonbow. I had never seen one before and had no idea you could even get that kind of thing – so of course…. I lost my shit. Crying tears of pure wonderment; basically acting like the guy from the viral youtube ‘double rainbow’ video, whilst Charlie watched me and laughed.
All joking aside; in that moment I had pure clarity.
We are only here once and our lives are as short and rare as the colours displayed by passing clouds over supermoons.
I knew what I had to do.
But first…. I had to complete 30 days of yoga.
I have done this 30day journey for the past 3 x Januarys and the first go round (yoga camp) I didn’t manage to stick to it. The 2nd go around I completed every day and got really emotional on day 30 when suddenly; the instruction was gone and in its place was only music and a guest appearance from Adriene’s dog Benji.
This year I did the 30 days of yoga every day…. Except I didn’t do it alone. Some days I did it with a friend, 1 or 2 days I had David with me and most days (almost every day) I got up at 7am to do the video with Charlie before we both went to work, then we did extra videos in the evening so as to make up 60-90mins of yoga a day. This routine has completely changed our mornings and we’re noticeably happier people.
So day 30…. I knew what was coming… and in the intro, I was already welling up even as Adriene herself said “I’m getting emotional”. Day 30 is always an emotional day. There is something so beautiful, tragic and uplifting about it. You have spent the past 29 days cultivating a daily practice, learning new poses and new variations on the asanas you knew before. All the while your girl Adriene has got your back. The video for day 30 however has no instruction at all. Just really really beautiful music and beautiful Adriene rocking out on her yoga mat on the screen.
At first you keep your eyes open and try to peek at the screen and follow exactly what she is doing… but you can’t really follow her movements, not really, after a time, despite trying, it actually becomes detrimental to your own practice of yoga by continually jerking yourself away from your breath and your own energy to see what she might be doing next.
And then it dawns on you.
You’re not meant to follow her movements. You’re meant to follow her example.
The moment you begin to focus on your own breath, you find you get out of sync with whats happening in the video and there is a longing for teacher – but an almost painful realisation that the time has come to break away and “be you” ; the title of our day 30 video… the time is now to be you. And even though it’s scary at first and even though you don’t want to, …
… you break away. You come into sync with whats happening with you.
You start to focus on your own breath, link it up with your own movement and a smile, bittersweet, creeps over your face as the tears fall; #allthefeels , as you realise ; you are already a yogi.
Adriene has taught you all you need to know right now to let go and breathe, to give in and surrender: Be. Here. Now.
A beautiful moment of synchronisation happens when I realise we both have come to tree pose at the same time; (about 21min 40secs into the video) I start to tear up as I hear a previous years theme music (from Yoga Camp – the one I couldn’t complete) come on and Charlie looks at me and says “look; …you’re both in Tree” and sure enough, my guru, my teacher, the one who had me coming back to yoga each and every time, was with me all along. Then I realise, all this time, my Charlie has been with me and he has been following my movements … as if I was his teacher. Then I remember that I taught him his first yoga class. In a way I have a responsibility to him as my student. So nothing made me prouder when eventually he came out of sync with me and I watched him cultivate his own yoga practice, following the vocab he knew from our time together. *beaming* The music from yoga revolution last year plays in my ears and the music of pure love plays in my heart.
Look how far we’ve come!
A few moments later, when this year’s TRUE theme song starts to play, we find our way to the mat for Sukasana, lift our thumbs up to the third eye, take a deep breath in , Jai Namaste .
I walked in to work that day (1st February) and I knew just what to do.
I handed in my notice.
Ending my 13 year career as an IT Support Specialist.